If you have a new Apple computer, or know someone that has recently purchased one, you probably know about the Apple remote. The small, simple, white remote control is mostly used for controlling Apple’s Front Row application, which plays different media on the computer. The remote has other uses that are coming to the forefront through online tutorials. Uses, such as putting the computer to sleep, scrolling through photos in iPhoto, and flipping through slides in a Keynote presentation, are becoming more well known among Apple enthusiasts. But, there are a number of hidden uses that only a few programmers at Apple know about. Jon Krauker, one of the programmers who helped to develop the Apple remote system, feels that the public should know about the hidden uses of this remote control.

• How would you like to be able to open a car door that you have locked your keys in? Simply hold down the menu button for 25 seconds while holding down the + button and spinning around.
• What about changing the color of your hair on the go? Press and hold the play button while slowly running the remote over the hair that you wish to change color.
• Would you like to stop time? Well, that’s impossible.
• What about achieving a 27 minute long orgasm? Simply place the remote in your rectum and squeeze the forward button for 26 minutes.
• Need help with your latest Sudoku puzzle? Hold down the menu button with your tongue while you balance it on your knee.

Jon has promised that there are more uses for the Apple remote, but he doesn’t quite feel comfortable releasing these to the public at this time. He promises that Macdiculous will know of these secret and special uses for the Apple remote first, so check back soon. Now, has it been 26 minutes yet?

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