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American Idol, the top rated television show in America, has produced a new star, and Apple wants wants to use that stardom to attract a younger audience to the iPod music player. Sanjaya Malakar, a 17 year old contestant from Washington, has a growing fan base of pre-teen girls that love his velvety voice and long flowing locks of hair. “He is amazing, and I would buy anything that he was promoting”, said one 12 year old girl who was waiting outside of Sanjaya’s hotel.
Philip Schiller, Apple’s Senior Vice President of Worldwide Product Marketing is very excited about bringing the young star on board. “All of us at Apple are in love with this kid and we think he is incredibly talented. We know that he will be a perfect addition to our new iPod ads”, Schiller told Macdiculous. He continued, “Just look at how popular he is. Millions of people are voting for him. Why? Because he is f**king good, that’s why. Why else would people vote for him?”
Hell, that’s why we at Macdiculous vote for him. He really is f**king good.
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Since Apple’s newest device, the Apple TV, hit the market a week ago, hackers have been attempting to see what they could get the device’s operating system to run on. From running it on a Macbook, and booting on a portable hard drive, one hacker has been able to run the OS on his dad’s Casio calculator watch. “I was bored, so I tried to run the Apple TV operating system on the watch, and it worked much better than I thought that it would,” said the hacker, who goes by the name BrownEyeLover. 
On a regular basis, Apple publishes a playlist of a celebrity’s favorite songs. Macdiculous has an inside source at iTunes who will leak us an occasional celebrity playlist before iTunes publishes it. The following is Heather Mills McCartney’s Playlist:
If you have a new Apple computer, or know someone that has recently purchased one, you probably know about the Apple remote. The small, simple, white remote control is mostly used for controlling Apple’s Front Row application, which plays different media on the computer. The remote has other uses that are coming to the forefront through online tutorials. Uses, such as putting the computer to sleep, scrolling through photos in iPhoto, and flipping through slides in a Keynote presentation, are becoming more well known among Apple enthusiasts. But, there are a number of hidden uses that only a few programmers at Apple know about. Jon Krauker, one of the programmers who helped to develop the Apple remote system, feels that the public should know about the hidden uses of this remote control.
After years of his family and friends keeping it from him, Steve Jobs found out today that he was adopted. It happened while he was googling himself and read his 
A new video has been creating quite a bit of buzz on the internet. No, it isn’t a new video of a kid lip synching the new Justin Timberlake, or another animal that has been trained to use the toilet. The video in question is a spoof on an Apple ad that was aired only once during the 1984 Superbowl. The ad is an attack on Hilary Clinton and promotes presidential candidate Barack Obama. Nobody seems to know exactly who created the video and no one has really come forward to claim the video as their creation. Well not until now, anyway. Macdiculous was able to uncover the person responsible for creating the video. The person does want to keep their identity a secret, so for the time being we will call this person Kelsey. Our interview with Kelsey follows:
Peter Oppenheimer, Apple’s Chief Financial Officer was on hand at Apple’s headquarters for the introduction of the Apple credit card . Apple enthusiasts can now sign up to receive the Apple Visa credit card which will earn them points toward future Apple purchases through the Apple store or iTunes store.
In a move that few people expected, Apple today began shipping their long awaited Apple TV device..well, kind of. Instead of shipping a nicely labeled box with a great gadget inside, Apple decided to ship just the box. “We decided that since there will be more delays with the Apple TV, we will ship the boxes and the user manual so that people can get excited about receiving it, and also learn about how to use it properly,” said one Apple exec in charge of product shipping. 
An Apple Macbook, which caught fire due to a faulty battery, is responsible for the large fire currently burning nearing Anaheim, California. The fire is 80% contained at this point, but firefighters have already determined that the blaze was due to arson. A firefighter at the scene of the blaze told Macdiculous, “Ok, here is how we see it happened. A thief had just stolen a truck and had his Apple Macbook next to him. For some reason, the battery of the Macbook caught fire and freaked the suspect out. He swerved while trying to put out the fire and hit a tree. The Macbook went flying through the front windshield and landed in a pile of dry twigs. The twigs immediately caught fire and started this giant inferno. We know all of this, because the suspect was recording himself, as he was proud of the truck that he had stolen. That dumb ass left the camera on. So if you’re reading this, we’re coming after you, dumb ass.”
A new movie has just received the green light to start pre-production. Jerry Bruckheimer, the producer behind such blockbusters as the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Armageddon, Top Gun, and Kangaroo Jack, will be producing the 200 million dollar sequel to Pirates of Silicon Valley. The tentative title of the sequel to the 1999 made for TV movie is ‘Pirates of Silicon Valley: Patents in Space’. The cast has yet to be revealed, and Jerry Bruckheimer is trying to keep his casting choices a secret for the time being. We do know that Bruce Willis is in talks to play Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates, while Hugh Jackman is in talks to play Apple Chief Steve Jobs. Bruckheimer spoke with Macdiculous at a private media event where he told us, “I am going to take the story in a bit of a different direction than the first movie did. I mean, it was good, but there wasn’t enough fighting, gun fire, and things blowing up. In fact, there wasn’t one love scene! How can you have a good movie without a love scene? My new vision will take the feud between the two men into space for the ultimate showdown. Once in space, they need to rely on their own software to save their lives and make it back home…alive. It should be pretty good.” The movie is set to open in the Summer of 2008. The movie is also set to be a complete flop.
Stephen Hawking, the well known theoretical physicist who has challenged theories by such geniuses as Albert Einstein, is getting an upgrade. Due to a long battle with Lou Gehrig’s Disease, Hawking has been confined to a wheel chair that, not only gets him around, but speaks for him along with other tasks. The computer to do all of this has been a PC running Windows XP, but no longer. Due to air on an upcoming episode of Pimp My Ride, Hawking’s wheelchair will be transformed into an amazingly impressive piece of machinery. The on board computer will be upgraded to an Apple computer running OS X. Also included will be a GPS navigation, DirecTV satellite television with Playstation 3 and Nintendo Wii gaming consoles, robotic arms that can lift the equivalent of a Volkswagon, a lot of chrome, and spinner rims.
Ever since realizing that he looked a lot like Steve Jobs, Dwayne Jackson has attempted to make his living off of the Apple CEO. “I have been trying to get booked at parties, and business get togethers. At first, people think that it is a joke, but I think that I look just like him,” said Jackson. The 46 year old man does dress just like Steve Jobs, though many of his clients disagree that he looks like Jobs. Mary Jones, the owner of The Apple Tree, told Macdiculous, “I run a small Apple accessories business and I thought that it would be fun to hire a Steve Jobs impersonator for our Christmas party. I thought that it was weird that his website didn’t have any pictures of him, but I figured he must look something like Steve Jobs. All he did when he got there was walk around saying ‘Hi, I’m sexy Steve Jobs’ then he tried to grope the females. What a joke. Sure, he’s sexy as hell, but certainly not Steve Jobs.”
A new virus has emerged that strikes only Apple computers running OS X. Named “The Snap Virus”, it ventures through all of the infected files and enhances their performance and optimizes the files. Symantec and McAfee, two companies that make anti-virus software decided not to include the virus into their list of known viruses. “We thought about this, and we decided that most people will actually want to get this virus,” says one anti-virus programmer that we spoke with. “My Mac now runs 60% faster than it did before I got the virus. It also noticed that I have some recipes for desserts on my computer, and it left me a few great recipes. The carrot cake recipe that it left was amazing.” An elderly woman, who lives at an assisted living center that was infected by the virus, told Macdiculous, “I love my new virus. I named him Max. He taught me how to crochet and laughs at all of my jokes. I can’t wait to talk with Max and tell him about the peas that I ate today. I bought this shirt today at…where am I?”